The character sketch of me

I can obviously write volumes about myself. It is a conflicting presentation of who I am. Now let me see who I am. To achieve that, I have to peel out the mask I am wearing. Yeah, the mask that would not let me out of my comfort zone, the mask that would make me hesitate to write the truths about me. Okay, task accomplished.

Who am I?

I am a man, like all of you reading this blog (if any women have survived the high girl child mortality rate in India, they are welcome).  As the name suggests, I am a narcissist too. I am so proud of myself that I don`t let anyone or anything affect me. Obviously I am not going to admit even if I am affected. I want to sound so cool that even when the love of my life rejects me, I say “okay, not an issue.” I will not show her I can easily(rejects happen to everyone, what is the big deal, right?- no, you ass, you ought to put away the mask) be upset – not when her orkut says assertiveness is one of her turn-ons. No, I am not living in prehistoric times to be an active orkut user.

I am an egotist- an emotional egotist. People who know me can scarcely believe if I say I cry- not so much as the bahu in the age-old serials but definitely more for an Indian male. We are not supposed to cry. When I was a kid, I fell down and my ankle got twisted. Before I can cry, my gradmother said,’Don`t cry, you are a boy.’ I don`t understand why guys should not cry. Tears serve as an outlet for letting out emotion. So if any of you who want to cry but are afraid of being ridiculed by others, the easy way is to go for a walk in the night. You blend with the darkness and become unnoticeable.

I am so obsessed with myself that I constantly look for ways to make me feel proud of myself. Do you know what is the toughest task for someone like me? It is to hate myself to such a point that the word “self” becomes irrelevant. The hatred results in sarcasm and irony directed inwards which ultimately leads to a void. It is what the society does. In order to tame a free individual and fill his (already saturated) mind with its ideas/opinions, it should initially empty the individual`s mind of all that can be called “his”, leaving a hollow space. It can then fill up the hollow space with the contents of its choice. Before the society does that to me, I will beat it to the post. It looks like I came up with a contrasting writeup. Who won`t like to think he is a complex/unique person?

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